A Legacy of Laments
As I’ve been reflecting, I keep coming back to two things:
my mom would’ve been the best grandma ever and this has all happened before.
Last week, I turned 23, and 23 years ago, my dad, at the same age, was grappling with his mom - my Grandma Chelsea’s - cancer diagnosis a few days before I was born. We found a poem he’d written to me on February 6, 2001, a month after I was born and after she’d been given a year to live. Strangely enough, we also found a poem Grandma Chelsea wrote for my uncle Travis when her mother-in-law, Velva, passed away from cancer when he was less than a year old.
One of the things that grieves me the most is that my mom won’t meet her grandchildren on this earth.
I never imagined doing any of this without her.
And it’s gut-wrenching to know that my kids won’t experience her love here.
And today, I wanted to share the poems my grandma Chelsea and my dad wrote to their firstborns, as well as add the first part of my own for my future firstborn in this awful anthology I’m calling A Legacy of Laments.
A Mother’s Tears
by Chelsea Jane Naugle
May 28, 1977
My precious son...
So young and unaware You know nothing
Of your loss this day.
My tears are not
For her; for I know
She is without pain
And she has reached her Rest
My tears are not for us; for I know We have beautiful memories
To treasure in our hearts.
But I weep
For you; for I know
All you’ve lost
In not knowing her... your Grandmother
A Conversation at 4 Weeks
by Lukas Vann Naugle
February 6, 2001
My mom may leave
...Where is she going?
No place I have been.
...How will she get there?
Down a hallway named Pain. Through a door marked No Return.
...How do you feel?
Small, without strength.
...What can you do?
Watch.
...What will you do?
Tremble.
...Why must she go?
She is beloved.
...By whom?
The Lover of her soul.
...Where is He?
Down a hallway named Pain. Through a door marked No Return.
...Why are you smiling?
She will know joy...
Her thirst will be quenched...
Her tears will be dried...
...Who is her Lover?
Jesus.
...Dad?
...Yes?
I want to know Grandma’s Friend.
...Me too.
Little One: Part I
by Brigitta Marie Naugle
January 12, 2024
Little One
I do not know you
Yet
The very thought of
You
It makes my heart
Soar
Only to come crashing down
Sorrow gnaws at my heart Pain it lies to me
Says
There is nothing
All is Vain
Fear it deceives me, tells me to Hide
Wallow
Despair
That all that this world is hollow
Little One
I long for you to see Her
To know
Her
To experience her Love
Little One
I pray
When I meet you
I’ll know how to finish this Poem